Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentines day?

Today's entry is dedicated to the only girl for me.

Yes my friends, it's that day once again. No gold tips, tricks or advice today. Just a silly holiday entry about the day we're supposed to celebrate love and caring and my ranting on about what I think about it. If you're interested in some silly thoughts and ideas read on, but if you just wanna know about making the wow moneys come back tomorrow. I hope you giggle as much reading as I did writing.

First I want to tell you an idea that I've had for quite some time about Valentines day and the whole gift giving thing that you do for your significant other. Since I am male it is socially expected that I buy my girl fiend a large bouquet of flowers of some kind to show how much I love and care for her. I think that this is a terrible way to show your love and respect for your loved one. If you think about it, flowers are a rather insulting metaphor for what you think about the one you love, your relationship with them, and what matters the most to you.

Here's why.

What is a flower? Something that looks pretty, smells nice, and makes a great decoration. Wonderful, by buying flowers to represent your love you're saying that you are beautiful with a pleasant aroma and make everything around you look a little bit nicer. Great. I sure hope that isn't the only thing that matters to you in a relationship, it's not for me.

A bouquet of flowers is something that, while attractive, will wither and die in just a few days even with the greatest care. It serves no purpose and has no function what so ever other than looking good in your arm. Just like your boyfriend or girlfriend! This I think is not something that your loved one would like you to tell them. Go ahead and try it sometime, just go up to them one day and say "Darling my love for you is based solely on your looks and even though our relationship is entirely pointless other than looking cute together and shall fall apart piece by piece in a matter of days, I still think you're just awesome."

If I said that to my girl I'd wind up with a bright red hand print on my left cheek.

As a gift, flowers and chocolate both pale in comparison to the ultimate Valentine's day gift...


That's right I said it. I said it! If you really want to find the perfect metaphor to show your love and care in a gift then flowers suck when compared to the almighty potato. Why do I believe this so strongly? Well I'm so glad you asked! Here, let me explain.

A potato is not the most beautiful looking thing in the planet, but I don't care. Just like I don't base my love and desire for my girlfriend on her looks. If she gets into a terrible car wreck (knock on wood) and is all sorts of messed up looking I don't care. I love her anyways with all of my heart. Though she is quite attractive, that is not what first brought her to my attention. Am I happy that she is good looking? Sure I am, who wouldn't be. But that isn't the top of my list of things I like in a girl, and looks are not why I love potatoes so much either! Ah ha!

Think about the potato for a moment, what does it have? It has character! It has personality! It is so multifaceted in it's different uses and purposes. Mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie, hundreds of different potato chips, french fries, the list goes on and on. Hell you can even conduct electricity with a potato! Suck on that one roses.

What can you do with a rose? Look at it. Smell it. That's all.

When you buy somebody a large bag of taters, you're saying that looks and beauty are not nearly as important as who they are. Their physical pleasantries shrink when placed next to their personality, intelligence and sense of humor. If you really want your guy/girl to smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside tell them about the potato and what it means in your relationship.

Say to them "Oh love of my life, our relationship and my love for you is just like a potato. No matter how you look I still want to have you with me. Our relationship is deep and meaningful and so far above shallow things like looks or being cute together. I care about our relationship because of all the things that we do together, all the ways we can spend time together even if we're just sitting together I am completely happy. Just like a wonderful potato." Try it sometime folks.

Personally, I never do anything special on Valentine's day. Ever. I'm sure the girls will want to smack me one for that, but I honestly think that it's a very fake and superficial "holiday." Even if you give the ultimate Valentine's gift of the potato, it's still not nearly as romantic as some people want you to think. Fucking hallmark I swear! Because as much as you love him/her you're only buying them a gift because of the calendar date, not because you care.

I am in love with my girlfriend and have been for years. So to show that I care, I'll buy her a gift in September. I'll take her out to a nice dinner in July. I'll cater to her every whim and pamper her in May. Why then you ask? Because love is not on a schedule. Love knows no clocks or dates. You don't schedule and plan out an itinerary for your heart. Love simply is.

I'm not going to do something special because I'm expected to or because I'm supposed to. In fact when I'm expected or required to do something, I try to do my best to avoid it. No, I do these things because I care. Because I'm in love. I don't give a damn what day, month, or year it is. All I care about is the one I love and making her smile. That's it. If they're having a terrible day on April 15th 2023 at 4pm then I'm going to be sure to do something extra romantic on April 16th 2023 starting the moment they wake up to me making breakfast in bed for them. Albeit poorly, but hey it's the thought that counts right?

And to the lovely woman in my life, you are my potato. You do so much for me everyday that you don't even realize. You make me smile even when I cannot see you. You make me laugh even when I cannot hear you. No matter how lost I may get, I'll always be right on course to you. And even when we're not in each others arms, the thought of you always makes my face light up...just like a potato. I love you.

Happy Valentine's day everybody!


  1. The potato is not a lie!

    Thank you for the long, hand in hand walks by the ocean and lake and the ones out in the cold (even though you can't stand the cold).
    Thank you for the new pet for my pet collection (yesterday).
    Thank you for breakfast in bed...tomorrow?
    Oh and honey, thank you so much for the Non-Valentines Day, Valentines Day gift! This post is a fine example of why I oh so love you!

    Happy Potato Day everyone! =P
    Fickle Little Riddle

  2. did he just call his girlfriend lazy? like a sack of potatos?!?!

  3. Nice writing, I hope many girls will understand this,if you "just" give them a present like a potato!
    Happy potato Day! =)

  4. Excellent post. This is exactly how I feel about this "holiday". If you don't show that person how much they mean to you the other 364 days of the year, then why bother on V-Day either? Show them every day.

    My (now ex-) girlfriend and I had our anniversary just a few days before Valentine's Day, and I always thought that celebrating how long we were together was more important than celebrating the commercialized holiday when everyone else was doing the same thing. Our anniversary was OUR day, everyone else could have V-Day. I guess she was more superficial, though, as she preferred the flowers. :/