Dungeon finder Call to arms (failure)

Seeing as how I'm not the nicest guy in the world and have zero tolerance for fail players I suppose it's my turn to give my thoughts on this latest abomination made by blizz.

If you haven't heard about it yet, here's the lay down on this new feature that's going to ship with the coming patch. When there is a significant shortage of a certain role in the dungeon finder (only tanks obviously) a new icon will appear on the UI. This icon signifies that there is a call to arms for tanks to go do random dungeons. The tanks that que for a random, kill the last boss, and que for it ALONE will get a goodie bag. Remember that alone part, it's important later. Inside that goodie bag will be a random selection of either flasks, potions, gold, mini pets, and mounts dropped by any current dungeon boss. Sounds cool right?

Wrong.

The theory behind this piece of crap feature is to motivate tanks to que more often for randoms even after they did their one for the day. Here's the first problem I have with this. Remember when you were rewarded with 1800 honor points for winning a TB on attack? Do you remember what type of player that attracted? In the words of Gevlon, it was nothing more than a lightning rod for M&S. Free shit always draws the morons and slackers before it will ever attract somebody else. Blizzard is forgetting one flaw in their logic with this idea. They aren't going to motivate any tank to que more than they already are. A tank gets an instant que, that is MORE than enough reason to go do a dungeon, you get in there immediately when you get the notion to do so.

Also they're targeting the wrong crowd of course. They're not bribing a tank to do a dungeon, they're bribing them to do a dungeon with YOU. They have to go deal with the random selection of mouth breathing, fire standing, sheep dot'ing, oom healer pulling, inbred fuckwits that inhabit the random dungeons like maggots in a month old corpse of a tauren. This is the reason tanks don't que too often, it's not because there's so few. It's because they run with their friends or a full guild just to avoid this bullshit. That's the same reason I only que as a tank when me or my gf need to do a daily random and it's an hour before reset. See? I que for the instant group, not because I want to. Fuck no! The faster I can get in the faster I can leave.

If you ask me, blizz should just give a tank 150g for doing a random heroics and finishing the whole instance. They get the 150g every single time they complete an instance and not just once a day. Why do I say that? Because that is what me and countless others pay to hire a tank for the instant que. But that still wouldn't work and would in fact hurt things even more when you don't go with a group of decent players you already put together.

Why do I think this call to arms garbage is going to make randoms even worse? Simple, how often do you get a tank that is plain terrible? I don't mean the guy that has low aoe threat or the one that can't hold threat on a boss when you do 15k+ dps. I mean one that key board turns, clicks spells, has no idea what cc is, and doesn't know a thing about a single boss. I bet the answer is not that often. They're out there sure and we've all had to deal with them or drop group, but for the most part random tanks are tolerable.

Enter call to arms giving a reward of what is crack to the M&S, nothing useful. Now you have brostormlol the arms warrior in half pvp gear that has never tanked before. Enter worgenlol the paladin that puts on righteous fury and doesn't know what holy power is. Enter arthasdklol who hits blood presence and thinks they're a tank now. Don't think it won't happen.

DON'T THINK IT WON'T HAPPEN!

In all honesty I'm thinking that this so called "feature" will do nothing but make randoms even worse. The fact is that the vast majority of warcraft subscribers aren't just below average casual players. Those people I ahve nothign against at all. The vast majority are just terrible. Sucky. Fail. Noob. Mouth breathing powerdrooling fuckwit. Take your pick of words. They're bad and this will "motivate" them to tank. I'm reminded of the South Park episode where Cartman wants to become a Nascar driver. He's not a professional driver, but does it anyways. Lots of people get killed in the process. Arthasdklol and worgenlol want to tank for the goodie bags but are not actually tanks.

Lots of people get killed in the process.

Simply put yes you might get another 20 tanks per server doing 10 extra random instances. Sure that means that a hundred or so DPS get 2 minutes taken off their que time. But what's going to happen is they'll get stuck with arthasdklol or worgenlol or brostormlol and leave group because these people are such shit at tanking that they leave group and have to wait another 30 minutes in que. So instead of lowering the average que time it's probably gone up.

As unexpected from me as this might be, I agree with a lot of people out there who think that a few good tanks will come out of this. Me? Agreeable with anybody but myself?

Preposterous!

Ahem. No tanking is not hard. At all and if you say it is then you're either an absolutely amazing tank and know every teeny tiny bit to help you do your job or you're just more trash that competent players boost in randoms. I don't care if you agree because that's not an opinion, it is a fact. Doing the job of a tank in a 5 man is just as easy as doing dps on skull or spamming greater heal on one person and sometimes hit another 2-3 buttons. It's easy.

The problem is that not many people CAN dps only skull marked mobs. Not many people CAN hit their heal button when health goes lower. Not make people CAN hit an aoe ability when they pull. It isn't a fear of difficulty, but one of ability and responsibility. If a dps fails, not many will notice or care. If a tank fails it's obvious and you get raged at by everyone. The people that are convinced that they're awesome, but just need better gear (most of lfg) know they can't do it and don't want to seem less than incredible.

I'm sure there isn't a lack of jobs to clean toilets out in the world or to clean up after hours at some adult entertainment venues or hand over burgers at fast food joints. Why don't people do it even though it's easy? Because they don't want to. The fail players don't want to tank and will never amount to anything more than people that make you nerd rage but still have to carry on your back through your daily heroic.

So yes tanking is easy and that is not related to the shortage of them. The shortage of tanks is due to the abundance of failures. I used to tank but I stopped because I'm not going to carry anybody anymore. That's another tank that won't be doing chain randoms for a goodie bag. I wonder how many others are in the same group as me?

And as for the dps that are in tears saying "well we are getting screwed because we're dps." Shut the hell up. You lose nothing but que times.

Going to close with a quote from Gevlon on this topic which I feel sums this all up perfectly.

"The situation has a real-world version: underemployment and unemployment at the same time. There are lot of engineer, IT-specialist and medical doctor posts open. They have great salary offers. In the same time millions are unemployed. Why don't they take these well-paying jobs? Because they are unqualified, uneducated and often drunkards. If we would increase the salaries of IT specialists, could the no-high-school guy take it?"


It is not and never was an issue of desire or motivation, but one of ability. And not always the ability of the tank for that matter.